forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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