can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
