I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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