I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
