There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
