I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
