im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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