This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
