If i come over, it means nothing
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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