Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
