You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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