My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
two words...techno handjob
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dear god my vagina.
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