you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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