Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
