It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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