i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
