I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
