Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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