i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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