Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
