those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
