Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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