I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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