I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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