I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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