why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize