Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
