need another drink. this is the easiest way
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
