Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
