Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize