I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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