I got chris browned last night
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
