the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize