Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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