My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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