Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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