just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
