i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
