Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is my gift to your gina
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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