Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
