I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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