As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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