true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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