drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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