I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize