just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
