I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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