is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he puts the penis in happiness.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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