Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
