omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize