i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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