I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
