True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
