I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize