Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
