I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
