i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize