You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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