This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
