remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
