I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
