i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
