he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
