you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
