someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
