ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
