This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
