When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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